The metric system rocks, right? And that's because it's an organic system of measure, derived directly from the circumference of the earth, right? And hasn't been subject to any malingering, gerrymandering, finagling or other debased punking by dirty human hands, right? Um, not exactly.

There are many mediums in which evil spirits may reside (most notably dwellings, persons and computers), each requiring its own specific rite of exorcism. The steps enumerated below deal specifically with human exorcism, or ridding the body of an undesired spirit/demon possession, in the Roman Catholic tradition.

Note: before performing an exorcism, evaluate the subject’s potential for violence (with the strength and malignity of the possession in mind), and restrain accordingly, usually with ropes, straps or duct tape.

Note II: The following ritual may or may not work with computers, depending on operating system and waterproofing. Still, it may be worth a try.

1. Priest is dressed in cassock, surplice and purple stole.

Have you ever been stranded in the deep Congo? Hung from a finger on the 27th pitch of the Nose on El Cap? Been jumped from behind by muggers in the Bronx? If so, this tool would have been almost completely useless. However, if you want to enliven any party and/or imply things about your manhood (or femininity?), then you simply can't exist another day without this 2 pound, 11 ounce, 85-tool knife. Notice the telescopic pointer and golf divot repairer tool.

1. 2.5” 60% Serrated locking blade

2. Nail file, nail cleaner

3. Corkscrew

4. Adjustable pliers with wire crimper and cutter

5. Removable screwdriver bit adapter

MacGyver is cooler than you can ever hope to be. But by piggybacking this coolness——adopting the relevant hacks and -isms into your way of moving through the world——you can at least be cooler than your friends. The first step is below (the second step is Netflix). Got other, favorite moments? Comment them below.

Episode 1.04—The Gauntlet: To create a distraction, MacGyver ties firecrackers to the inside of a church bell, attaches a lit candle to the bell’s clapper, and uses rope to hold the bell raised to the side. When another candle burns through the rope, the bell is released and the candle on the clapper swings to ignite the firecrackers.

While as yet unproven, a promising theorem in particle physics states that physicists are people, too. (If you prick them—the theorem goes—they are likely to bleed, etc.) So far, the strongest support for this idea is the anecdotal evidence of Richard Feynman, a Nobel-Prize-winning physicist who was almost certainly a person.

Feynman’s reputation for humanizing buffoonery included his ability to open supposedly secure safes—a skill he honed while working on the atom bomb at Los Alamos Lab during the Second World War.

Many geeks adhere to Stiff Paper Theory (SPT), holding that frogs made of expensive company letterhead will jump higher than those made of flimsy copy paper. However, while SPT adds giddy-up to any origami amphibian, it also adds weight. The trick is to find a paper that offers the happy combination of high spring at low weight.

In this regard, linen papers tend to under perform; so too do cardboard mailers, as they lead to bulky, bullfrog-esque hoppers.

In addition to shark attacks and boredom-related deaths due to mid-season baseball, the summer months are the time of food poisoning. If you live in Florida or California, you should be especially vigilant, as you are susceptible to all three (the most baseball teams, the most shark-infested beaches, and—according to the CDC—the most restaurant outbreaks of food poisoning, with a combined 143 in 2007).

In all, the CDC estimates that food-borne diseases every year cause approximately 76 million illnesses, 325,000 hospitalizations and 5,000 deaths (salmonella alone costs the United States upwards of $5 billion annually in medical care and lost productivity).

One can only imagine the sheer volume of liquid effluvium generated by these 76 million people.

Calypso
The lonely nymph who waylays Odysseus for eight years on her island of Ogygia. Though the beautiful Calypso offers ease and even immortality, she is in fact selfish, caring only to alleviate her own loneliness. Watch out for self-serving kindness.

Cyclops
Polyphemus, the Cyclops, traps Odysseus and his crew in his cave and eats six men before Odysseus gets him drunk, blinds him with a wooden stake, and escapes with his remaining crew by hiding under sheep. Polyphemus, with his one eye, represents a person with only one point of view. Beware: If you are monofocused and that monofocus fails, you are SOL, just like Polyphemus.

Even though you're already the mathematical Wizard of Oz, you can still benefit from the Wow factor of hoisting a new curtain of number tricks to impress your friends and intimidate your enemies.

Here, dear geek, are three nifty mind widgets to make mates want you and peers want to be you.

Multiply up to 20x20
1. For example, take 17x13
2. Place the larger number on top, in your head
3. Imagine a box, encompassing the 17 and the 3
4. Add these to make 20
5. Add a zero to this, to make it 200
6. Multiply the 7 and the 3 to get 21
7. Add this to 200 to get the answer: 221

Multiply any two-digit number by 11
1. For example, take 79

House of Straw
Use six straws to create the classic house shape (a rectangular body with two straws forming the roof, all laying flat on the table). Bet that you can make four equal triangles by moving only three straws. Try it! To all but the most creatively freethinking, this is impossible. The trick is to go 3D—pick up the three straws that make the bottom and sides of the rectangle and replace them so that one end of each straw is rooted in a corner of the triangle with all three moved straws touching above the center of the original triangle, like a tent or teepee—four, equal triangles, each the size of the original roof.

Paper Match