Here is the idea. You are a devoted Christian, who gets all snatched up into the air at the Rapture (and presumably not dropped back down to Earth). And, what if the kid who normally dog sits for you when you go to Disney World is also a faithful Christian? Will you simply abandon Fido to millenial insanity?
Never fear. Teams of dedicated atheists and heathens are standing by to save your beloved, domesticated critters. Two such outfits are Eternal Earth-Bound Pets and JesusPets. Eternal Earth-Bound Pets claims to be run by friendly atheists and takes the fluffy, loving approach:
We are a group of dedicated animal lovers, and atheists. Each
Eternal Earth-Bound Pet representative is a confirmed atheist, and as
such will still be here on Earth after you've received your
reward. Our network of animal activists are committed to step in when
you step up to Jesus.
JesusPets paints a horrifying picture of a bleak, feces strewn post-apocalyptic landscape filled with roving gangs of dog eaters:
Imagine being taken to
streets of gold while your dog starves to death walking around in his
own feces trapped in your small house or apartment, subject to fire and
earthquakes or even being eaten by heathens searching for any remaining
morsel of food. Do you want that to happen?
Not to worry. JesusPets only hires people who are completely committed to the principles of neither eating your pets or having sex with them.
I believe it is immoral to have sex with animals, and have no desire to do so.
I believe it is immoral to consume common domesticated pets (note: this includes goldfish!), and have no desire to do so.
Of course, your purchase of the services of either company is non-refundable if you fail to be Raptured or the Rapture fails to occur (not that this is at all likely, because it isn't like the entire Rapture concept is primarily based on an extremely literal interpretation of three verses in an epistle-1 Thessalonians 4:15-17-from a gnostic and poetic tradition, oh wait. . .).
I'm trying to figure out what the incentive is for these companies to actually follow through, cause you know once you miss out on the eternal reward their isn't much of a margin in being good for goodness sake. Am I right atheists? Maybe this is not a scam to make money, but a ploy to get a list of locations with food and sex partners (not in that order) when the world goes all Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome.
*Hat tip to Tyler Cowen of Marginal Revolution for both links in two separte posts here and here.
