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How many cups of coffee do you need this morning in order to be functional?

User picture for Garth Sundem

About Garth Sundem

Dear Geek:

Do you feel out of touch with the world around you? Do you wish there were clear-cut answers to life's messy, everyday questions such as "How many beers should you have at the company picnic" or "Do you have a snowball's chance in hell with her?" Well now, harnessing the awesome power of algebra, there are...

By asking you to plug your data into algebraic equations, My book Geek Logik: 50 Foolproof Equations For Everyday Life, provides ABSOLUTE TRUTH (insert maniacal laugh, and maybe a bit of a wink). The book has been featured on Good Morning America, Fox and Friends, the BBC program Horizon and also in Esquire, Wired, Maxim and by fellow blogger John Tierney in the NY Times.

Go right to my Geek Logik column here or subscribe to me at the newsfeed link below:

Geek Logik

Humor
I'm off the wagon. And when I fall, I fall hard.

It's not just the regular this time—I'm into the hard stuff, like cappuccino and those Starbucks drinks with nifty, pseudo-European names (ah, my soul for one sip of sweet, sweet Moccachino...). I would like to blame my current baby-induced insomnia and resulting massive accumulated sleep debt, or my wife's enabling addiction to Arnold Palmers (half lemonade, half iced-tea) from the new coffee shop down the street, but really these are just lame excuses for my own weakness. And so I'm back to living life by the drop, or more precisely, by the shot of Cafe Estima Blend.

So for those of you who, like me, only find their groove after ingesting enough bean-o-genic stimulants to put Whitney Houston in a coma, here is an equation that will help you at least put a cap on your daily consumption.

 

C= In shots of espresso, the amount of caffeine you consume in an average morning
St= The hours of sleep you got last night (subtract one for every time you woke up in a cold sweat, thinking about the things you need to do today)
Su= The hours of sleep you need to remain civil with telemarketers
K= How many kids do you have? Kids in diapers are worth two; kids over age 18 are worth half
Bt= How busy are you today? (1-15 with 1 being “easy like Sunday morning” and 15 being “presently birthing triplets”)
Bu= How many hours per day do you usually spend in non-recreational activities?
N= Hours of naptime you can squeeze in this afternoon

Cups is the number of cups of coffee you should consume before operating heavy machinery

“…here is an equation

“…here is an equation that will help you at least put a cap on your daily consumption.”
I worked the equation and my daily cap is 12 cups. Yikes. What’s my minimum? I need an equation to calculate my range and mean.

Forget algebra. Get some

Forget algebra. Get some coffee, please!

And I was just asking

And I was just asking myself, "Self, how much coffee is too much??"
 
Thanks Garth!  We don't want to overdo it. Well, I do ... but the rest of you don't.

To those interested; Our

To those interested;

Our favorite math writer, Garth Sundem, will be on "Good Morning America" tomorrow morning so tune in while you have your coffee.

That's right, he will be on your TV talking about coffee equations while you drink your coffee watching him on your TV.

How meta is that??

I am happy to have found

I am happy to have found your article. Coffee is wonderful, coffee and science together is a great way to start the day. Thanks. I am taping GMA so as not to miss it. Glad to see you here.

I'm just glad I was drinking

I'm just glad I was drinking a cup as I read this... and now I've realized I'm not getting nearly enough...

Yeah, mine came out to be

Yeah, mine came out to be 11. Ours should be at least 17, given the hours we put in on this site.

He isn't even here to tell us what is wrong with our math. I bet he is watching that Good Morning America interview over and over and over.

I'm in favor of any

I'm in favor of any scientific method that will help me justify my daily coffee fix. Thanks Garth!  Now I just need you to develop a formula to help me determine my kids' weekly allowance.  That way if they squawk about it not being enough, I can just refer them to the calculations and they can blame the math.

Tea is good.  I really like

Tea is good.  I really like Yogi Green Tea.

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